I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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