You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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