in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
