if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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