you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
