I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize