In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
