So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
