At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
