so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
