based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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