My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize