It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
