At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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