i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
