Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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