I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
