is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize