She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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