hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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