I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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