I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
