im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize