Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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