My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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