Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
