How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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