so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
