# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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