I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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