I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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