Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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