tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
