shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
