drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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