Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
