My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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