Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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