y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
did i just pee glitter
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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