I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
