yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
