Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
