maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
