So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
