I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
