I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
