My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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