were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
