Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
