Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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