His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
