Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
