You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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