oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
