My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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