driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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