I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
