Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
