You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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