Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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