Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
