a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
