I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
