We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she looked like the before picture.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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