Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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